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Flicker Between The Full Beams

by Baggio

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1.
2.
Bonfire breeze breaks through 6pm I’m three months out of nearly three years in The novelty of nothing wearing slightly thin A languid love, a sleep addled adoration Please will you wake me up when 27 ends I feel your fingers on my lips, I feel them slipping through my hands A languid love, a sleep addled adoration Flatten the corners of everything I own Bastardise the liturgy of the fingers on the throne It’s the sleep that I don’t get which is the sleep I miss the most A languid love, a sleep addled adoration Please will you wake me up when 27 ends I feel your fingers on my lips, I feel them slipping thr ough my hands A languid love, a sleep addled adoration He saw his second deathbed by the age of 24 I found myself in a sleepless cell, head crushed against the wall He saw his second deathbed by the age of 24 I found myself in a sleepless cell, head crushed against the wall
3.
China Boy 05:31
I might be the most patient person in the world, or I may have nothing better to do Than sit around in all my glory, quietly waiting for you Jumping in the fallen leaves, but they were covering a manhole Now I’m trapped in the sewer lake and I’m cold with a broken ankle Four thirds through my fourteenth drink Sleeping is overrated If by poetry you mean coming up with different metaphors for feeling a little bit blue Then yes, I guess I am a poet too Trying to work out if I’ve hurt anyone as badly as I’ve been hurting myself Struggling with the algorithm, I lied on my CV about Excel I’ve been saving my best for you again I’m a China Boy again
4.
Jackfruit 03:01
Isn’t everything a voyage, but not always a vacation? We were on course for new found land, worn well by millions Now we’re alone together, with nothing but the skin upon our backs That’s just day to day living, Life is rolling contract Slightly more than forgiving when you feel your flat feet dance On a bare minimum morning Just from hearing that you can This unspecified person has my heart in a chokehold, Slamming from wall to wall, rib to rib in a one man show It’s three weeks of leftovers, and a non descript salad bowl Swinging in the wind, singing in the dark, what a wonderful feeling knowing who you are She’s making friends for life, he’s making minimum wage Why do we feel so different when I look the same as what you did my age? I wanna start a folk band, face on a t shirt I wanna start a joke band, wear thin after just one listen Jackfruit Jackfruit Jackfruit Jackfruit Jackfruit Jackfruit
5.
Tell me if I’m tired, or if my eyes just hurt from staring at a screen every day since I was fourteen Table for two and a room for one, Sunday night at The Saturn Hotel Where I woke up thinking of the fractions in your heart, and everything I know, The coffee was cold by Holloway Road What’s the over/under on sleepless nights? Back myself to cover the weekly spread of 3.5 I’m tired of living with this rot between my brains, Bleed between the lines, flicker between the full beams I’m four people in the backseat I’m twelve clowns in a mini How else can I say; “it’s been a while since I been okay?” Short of, you know, telling anyone about The Inescapable
6.
My masculinity, and my femininity living hand in hand Tired of my form, forms and formality Finding new norms, and a new normality, A middle ground neutrality, 12 packets, 12 packets, A middle ground neutrality, 12 packets, 12 packets I’m dreaming deep Deep in dreams Deeper than I’ve ever dreamed A middle ground neutrality 12 packets, 12 packets A middle ground neutrality 12 packets, 12 packets
7.
I’m on the floor again, Responding to five month old messages Trying so hard, To have an out of body experience Thinking about the men who built New York Sat free on a Mansioner’s Money 53 feet above the sky It’s a shame we have so much in common Provincial train station Torrential rain patient As it crashes between the tracks Five Orange Men readjust their hats How beautifully time flies! So much faster than a thought, Quicker than a romance required kinda mid-Monday malaise All My Friends on the walk to the bus to the train I’m on the floor again And every day’s a constant struggle Trying to contort myself in to something I can’t be Inhale, exhale, Just trying to find a way to feel at home in my body Cos moving back to London’s really fucking with my skin And the petrichoral motion flows, One of these days today will be a lifetime ago
8.
I don’t know what to think about myself, Is it all in my head? Am I at all in your head? I don’t know what to sing about myself, There’s so much in my head that’s already been said I’m so scared you might fall in love with someone else But that says more of me than it does anything I’m so scared of the thoughts on which I dwell But something about the sting brings the best out of me I don’t care for how you’ve wrapped me in your spell I don’t think I want any more of anything I’m nowhere for now but I think I’m doing well Was one night all it took for you to sling me through your hook? I am all in the guts of the game I am all in the guts of the game I am all in the guts of the game I am all in the guts of the game
9.
Everything I am in slipping away Which might be a happier line than you might think Yearning for your parents’ place Or a funhouse mirror of a sober face Half a hundred reasons why: I’m two years behind I don’t remember what I look like I don’t remember what your laugh sounds like The thread is unravelling day by day Some days a new knit scarf, others a paperweight To live is to forget everything I’ve done To learn is to regret everything I’ve done to anyone To say “I’m sorry” feels so selfish As I recognise myself more I know myself less And every night I’m kept awake And every night that’s the price I pay You’re always on my mind You’re always on my mind You’re always on my mind

about

all money i make here is donated to community bail funds, mutual aid funds, and racial justice organisers listed at the link below

secure.actblue.com/donate/bail_funds_george_floyd

just to be transparent i am taking the cost of making and sending the physical products and donating everything after that!!

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released July 10, 2020

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Baggio London, UK

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